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Imagine that your child is singing too loudly or is kicking toys around the house. How do you change it? Ask: “What would the world be like if everyone were doing what you are doing?” That’s the Multiplier Rule.

Hi, my name is Cara Day. Welcome to Daychild.

In this video learn two super fun rules you can use to help your
children increase their skills with:

Basic Manners
Awareness of social feedback
Self-regulation

The rules are, The Multiplier Rule and The Divider Rule

I created these rules to help my children and the children I work with to become more aware of themselves and how they affect those around them. I also use the rules myself because, hey, we can all use a little coaching sometimes.

Some of us are less aware of social feedback than others and tend to keep doing what we are doing even if negative feedback has been shared by those around us.

Social feedback can be verbal, such as someone saying, “Please stop!” or non-verbal, such as someone moving away from you or giving a negative look.

Or, the person stops being around you at all.

Since a child’s ability to accomplish their goals and dreams in life is going to be based to a large degree on the personal and professional relationships they are able to create and maintain, monitoring social feedback and self-regulation are critical life skills.

When children are little, parents make the playdates for their children.

But typically beginning around age 10, invitations are no longer generated through a child’s parents. Usually, at this point, it shifts to be being based on how well your child is liked by others.

For children who have not established effective social skills, being left out is a very difficult experience that has lasting, even life-changing effects.

When children are left out sometimes, or a lot, it’s something they become painfully aware of.

Their parents become helpless, too, because there is nothing that can be done to force others to invite their child.

And, of course, this can lead to being socially ostracized and isolated as an adult.

So, when you’re heading out the door together, or your kids are going somewhere without you, you might say, “Remember, it’s great to be invited, but set an intention to be your best self, to be fun and well-mannered, and use the multiplier and divider rules because what you really want is the repeat invitation.”

You can also remind them, “Sometimes a friend may only be able to invite one or two people to something. You want to be someone that your friend and their parents might invite if they could only invite a small group. Think about that today when you’re using all your best manners.”

It’s great to gently remind children that social connection is not a given, it’s created through our manners and behavior.

Also, we never want children to carry a victim energy, and to think or say,

“Nobody likes me! People are so mean!”

It’s more productive when they take responsibility for themselves and think,

“What have I done, or what am I doing, that isn’t working for me?”

I always want children to know they hold the power to create their lives. No one can take away that power without their permission. These two handy tools help a lot.

One last point is that these rules are especially designed for behaviors that are not inherently wrong in any way. Rather, it’s the situation that causes the behavior to be inappropriate at that moment, not for all time.

So, diving right in,

The Multiplier Rule is:

“What would it be like if everyone was doing what I’m doing right now?”

Use the Multiplier rule when:

Your child is engaged in a behavior that:

Doesn’t support the greater good
Could cause harm to oneself or others

This might mean your child is tapping their foot on the ground, bouncing a ball again and again, or practicing their burping.

It could mean they are singing, or talking at an inappropriate time or too much, or touching something that is fragile or not theirs. It could mean they are running at time or place that is not right for running.

When I taught this rule to the children in my private school, I would sometimes use the example of when a child finds a cute little caterpillar.

First, I acknowledge that it might seem fun to touch a cute little caterpillar.

But, then the Multiplier Rule comes in. What would it be like for the caterpillar if we all touched it?

Immediately kids are able to generate responses, including, “It might die.” “It might feel scared.” “It might not turn into a butterfly.”

Acknowledging children so they feel understood, and then letting them come up with the possible negative outcomes is key to getting buy-in on the Multiplier Rule.

Ok, so here’s the Multiplier Rule in another scenario that happened with a family I coached for a few years. One night, the family of five was driving home in their car and
the youngest sister was singing in a lovely, lively voice, and this was driving the oldest boy bonkers

The parents didn’t ask their little singer to stop singing, but instead told the older boy to cover his ears. The events of the evening escalated into not fun times.

When they called me about it, I offered up the Multiplier Rule, and they were quickly able to see why and how this might have worked out better.

I explained that, at this point, with everyone in the car altogether, Mom or Dad could say to their daughter, “Your singing is lovely and I’d like to hear more of it later, but, “What would the Multiplier Rule say right now?”

Had the Multiplier Rule been part of their family culture, her reply might be, “It would be very loud in the car if we were all singing.”

Then Mom or Dad can reply, “Yes, thank you for understanding. You can sing some more when we get home, or tomorrow when I am driving you to swim.

You are really helping our family right now by being quiet.”

If the daughter couldn’t think of the answer to The Multiplier Rule, the parents could coach her by asking,

“What would it be like if I was singing my favorite song, and Dad was singing his, and so and so was singing his, and so and so was singing hers?”

At this point, she would figure out that it would be quite loud, especially when someone in the car was wanting quiet.

Unless you’re the Jackson Five everyone would clearly see how unpleasant this might be.

The family felt relieved to have gained a strategy that would honor both of their children going forward.

Children come into our world as beautiful, unconditioned lights. We want them to remain this way,

Yet we also want them to gain the social awareness they need to achieve their dreams within the social culture we’ve created and are choosing to live in.

In time, The Multiplier Rule becomes quietly incorporated in a child’s social repertoire.

This rule removes any shaming and empowers the child to become a helpful member of the family because they want to help the greater good.

In the description of this video, there is a link to a pdf of a blank Multiplier Rule worksheet that you can use with your child or classroom to help teach this strategy.

The Multiplier Rule’s important sister–The Divider Rule will be shared in the next video and is available when you become become a member at Daychild.org.

Annual membership is priced at super cheap, so we hope you will decide to check out the deets by clicking this button here. here. here (button moves around a couple of times) Boy someone is sure being uncooperative!

Thank you for watching! Bye!